Too Old

I am too old for myself.

I simply cannot think of myself as 41 years old. It doesn't register. I don't feel forty. I don't look forty. But there it is on my driver's license...forty fucking one. Oh well.

Why is this even an issue? Internet dating sites is why. I got turned down by a 33 year old woman because I was "too old". Lady, you are so fucking wrong.

This brings me to the next of my problems (there are so very many of them)...women over 40. This is going to sound very superficial and maybe make me come off like an asshole, but fuck it. They look old to me. I mean they remind me of my mother. Not all of them of course, but the good one's are usually taken (what a shitbag thing to say - sorry). When I look in the mirror, I don't have wrinkles. Really. Not a one. I swim a mile every day of the week. I bike 40 kms a day in the summer. I listen to loud music. Smoke pot. Play video games. I am still 30 in my head. Younger even! And so far my body is cooperating...

In short, I never really grew up. Yes I do serious work. Have a great career. Own my own home. I have a very profound sense of responsibility and loyalty. I can philosophize fairly well. I am not immature per se, but I just cannot think of a compelling reason to grow up. Why would I want to do that? Sure, making a life together with the right person makes 100% sense to me. Being there for each other. Supporting each other. Seeing the world together. Better or worse. Even having children. I am not afraid of these things. But if it's not with the right person then why do it? I see so many people who seem to be making the decision to "settle down" cause "that's what you're supposed to do when you're 40/30/25". Why? Because TV said so? Because society did? I trust TV and society about as much as I trust the government. Not very fucking much. So why grow up? Because you got tired?

Despite feeling lonely I can't stop myself from living my life the way that I want.

But then I get to internet dating site and a woman who would have thought I was her age if we met in person called me too fucking old.

So now...I am looking for a geek girl. There seems to be precious few unattached geek girls over 35. Where are you? Do you stop going out? How can I find you? You start a career and give up being a geek? Quitters!

As for you geek girls under 35...give a guy a chance. I am not ugly. I am a good man. I look 33-34. I feel 30. Who cares if it says 41 in my profile? Well..you do apparently.

Regardless, I have not given up and spent the big bucks join a dating site I will call eHmny, so we'll see how that goes.

But I suspect the good geek girls are snapped up in university or shortly after. Prove me wrong.