Tired

Feeling tired these days. It's getting to be spring which I love, but my allergies and general malaise is taking a lot out of me.

I am a bit down that there are no potential women for me at the moment. No one I am currently interested in. I work with several but they are all attached.

I have a female friend who I have know for a long time and I knew she had a romantic attraction to me for years. So we had dinner together a while ago, and I suggested we try it out. Much to my surprise, she turned me down. *sigh* I think I have the touch of death. In truth, I suspect it is because she feels her biological clock is ticking and she wants a kid now-now-now and I would have to be in a relationship for a while before I would feel comfortable even considering children.

Still, I was really surprised she didn't go for it. To be honest, it was probably a good move on her part. We are both type-A personalities, and while we are good friends, we do not see the world the same way (which is fine, but in this case it's a LOT different - makes for good friends, but perhaps less good partners). At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Then I listen to some of my friends in relationships, and some of the people they are with are NIGHTMARES! One of my friends is not allowed to go out with his buddies (his wife calls him a "fag" when he does), she resents him having a good time without her ("you should be having a good time with me! your wife!") made him get rid of his dog (which she had originally chosen, and once he got attached she changed her mind), will not let him even go skiing without her. WTF is that? WHY WOULD ANYONE BE IN A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT! He's afraid to be alone? Ok fine. Just never made sense to me. I would rather be miserable and alone than miserable because someone else is making me miserable...or we are making each other miserable.

Part of me feel that I am disfunctional because I am picky and cautious. Part of me feels several of my friends are disfunctional because they are not.

Look, all I want to do is find a woman I click with, fall in love, and spend the rest of my life making her smile and have her do the same for me. And yet, as I write this I wonder if it even exists, or is realistic, or if I am just a romantic loser looking for something I have seen in the movies.

Stupid hollywood, creating these beautiful expectations that seem unlikely to ever get fulfilled. Wonder if there's a lawsuit there...;-)