Ya..we are all crazy. Anyone past the age of 12 is crazy, or has some sort of baggage.
But when you start dating women in the 33-40 age range, it seems that most of them expect to get married and have children within the first year of the relationship.
Say what?
In the last year I have had 3 different women who have either asked me to impregnate them (I thought about it, but I could not have a child in this world and just ignore it - and though i liked these women I could not see myself spending my life with them), or basically end any chance of a relationship with me when they found out I would have to spend some time in a relationship with my partner, developing love and trust, before I would agree to marriage or having a baby.
Really? REALLY? You expect me to get married and have a child with you just because your biological clock is tick-tick-ticking? Are you fucking crazy? Are there really men out there that are so desperate that they will have a child with someone they barely know? Ya, I know there are.
The most recent we shall call ehrm1. We were getting along well. She said she wanted honesty. She brought up marriage (as in "have you ever been married"), we got on the subject and I mentioned I would need to take my time and really get to know the person before I could get married and have kids. Still waiting for a reply. I should lie just to get laid, but it's not in me. Too fucking honest for my own good.
Maybe I just have an overblown sense of responsibility and I couldn't see myself having a spawn and having it NOT be a part of my life.
I realize that at 41 years of age, my odds of finding love, getting married and having a child are slim. I guess there is a small amount of panic in me about that. "Did I miss out on something?" "Did I live my life right?".
Sitting at home alone in my bathrobe right now. I wish I had someone I cared about with me. I don't. I am still looking.
But I'll be damned if I am gonna have a kid just because I am 41. How irresponsible is that? It's not like the past where we needed to procreate to keep our species/nation strong. The world has too many people as it is.
Where is the one for me? Where is the woman that wants a life of joy and wonder, of travel and adventure. White picket fence? 2.3 kids? Never been for me.
But I would like a partner.
Where are you?
Monday, May 25, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Too Old
I am too old for myself.
I simply cannot think of myself as 41 years old. It doesn't register. I don't feel forty. I don't look forty. But there it is on my driver's license...forty fucking one. Oh well.
Why is this even an issue? Internet dating sites is why. I got turned down by a 33 year old woman because I was "too old". Lady, you are so fucking wrong.
This brings me to the next of my problems (there are so very many of them)...women over 40. This is going to sound very superficial and maybe make me come off like an asshole, but fuck it. They look old to me. I mean they remind me of my mother. Not all of them of course, but the good one's are usually taken (what a shitbag thing to say - sorry). When I look in the mirror, I don't have wrinkles. Really. Not a one. I swim a mile every day of the week. I bike 40 kms a day in the summer. I listen to loud music. Smoke pot. Play video games. I am still 30 in my head. Younger even! And so far my body is cooperating...
In short, I never really grew up. Yes I do serious work. Have a great career. Own my own home. I have a very profound sense of responsibility and loyalty. I can philosophize fairly well. I am not immature per se, but I just cannot think of a compelling reason to grow up. Why would I want to do that? Sure, making a life together with the right person makes 100% sense to me. Being there for each other. Supporting each other. Seeing the world together. Better or worse. Even having children. I am not afraid of these things. But if it's not with the right person then why do it? I see so many people who seem to be making the decision to "settle down" cause "that's what you're supposed to do when you're 40/30/25". Why? Because TV said so? Because society did? I trust TV and society about as much as I trust the government. Not very fucking much. So why grow up? Because you got tired?
Despite feeling lonely I can't stop myself from living my life the way that I want.
But then I get to internet dating site and a woman who would have thought I was her age if we met in person called me too fucking old.
So now...I am looking for a geek girl. There seems to be precious few unattached geek girls over 35. Where are you? Do you stop going out? How can I find you? You start a career and give up being a geek? Quitters!
As for you geek girls under 35...give a guy a chance. I am not ugly. I am a good man. I look 33-34. I feel 30. Who cares if it says 41 in my profile? Well..you do apparently.
Regardless, I have not given up and spent the big bucks join a dating site I will call eHmny, so we'll see how that goes.
But I suspect the good geek girls are snapped up in university or shortly after. Prove me wrong.
I simply cannot think of myself as 41 years old. It doesn't register. I don't feel forty. I don't look forty. But there it is on my driver's license...forty fucking one. Oh well.
Why is this even an issue? Internet dating sites is why. I got turned down by a 33 year old woman because I was "too old". Lady, you are so fucking wrong.
This brings me to the next of my problems (there are so very many of them)...women over 40. This is going to sound very superficial and maybe make me come off like an asshole, but fuck it. They look old to me. I mean they remind me of my mother. Not all of them of course, but the good one's are usually taken (what a shitbag thing to say - sorry). When I look in the mirror, I don't have wrinkles. Really. Not a one. I swim a mile every day of the week. I bike 40 kms a day in the summer. I listen to loud music. Smoke pot. Play video games. I am still 30 in my head. Younger even! And so far my body is cooperating...
In short, I never really grew up. Yes I do serious work. Have a great career. Own my own home. I have a very profound sense of responsibility and loyalty. I can philosophize fairly well. I am not immature per se, but I just cannot think of a compelling reason to grow up. Why would I want to do that? Sure, making a life together with the right person makes 100% sense to me. Being there for each other. Supporting each other. Seeing the world together. Better or worse. Even having children. I am not afraid of these things. But if it's not with the right person then why do it? I see so many people who seem to be making the decision to "settle down" cause "that's what you're supposed to do when you're 40/30/25". Why? Because TV said so? Because society did? I trust TV and society about as much as I trust the government. Not very fucking much. So why grow up? Because you got tired?
Despite feeling lonely I can't stop myself from living my life the way that I want.
But then I get to internet dating site and a woman who would have thought I was her age if we met in person called me too fucking old.
So now...I am looking for a geek girl. There seems to be precious few unattached geek girls over 35. Where are you? Do you stop going out? How can I find you? You start a career and give up being a geek? Quitters!
As for you geek girls under 35...give a guy a chance. I am not ugly. I am a good man. I look 33-34. I feel 30. Who cares if it says 41 in my profile? Well..you do apparently.
Regardless, I have not given up and spent the big bucks join a dating site I will call eHmny, so we'll see how that goes.
But I suspect the good geek girls are snapped up in university or shortly after. Prove me wrong.
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